Mar. 31/99
I can't believe March has gone by and no entries...a new low in productivity! However, I was away the last 2 weeks in Ottawa and Calgary, then skiing at Lake Louise...but I'll catch up now.

During the month I have seen dad every few days; some days I get a smile and possible recognition, others a blank look with no focus on anything. Just before I went away I visited and gave him a hair cut; he had a cold and was sneezing like mad. Usually I manage to get in the way of some droplets and end up getting his cold; this time however, I could not afford to be ill and somehow I avoided the bugs. He looked so miserable; I gave him his dinner and kept trying to figure out if he wanted to go to bed. Finally I just decided to get help and do it; I sat beside his bed as he went to sleep and just felt so sad and helpless.

The day after I returned I met up with dad and Wahid (companion) at the coffee shop. When he saw me he started to cry; I tried to find out why...did he miss me? did he feel I had abandoned him? was he just so frustrated by being locked up in his shell, with no ability to communicate or move? I couldn't tell but did my best to assuage his tears. Again so sad and helpless I am.

Another thing to deal with...our family home has been sold; we built it and moved in when I was 2 years old. Possession takes place April 15. So I have had to spend quite a lot of time deciding what is to be sold, kept in the family (we all decide for ourselves), or given away. The final removal of the furniture etc. to be sold is April 12. The house has been vacant or rented for about 4 years so I have gotten used to other people living there. However, when it is no longer ours, I know it will be hard to take.