Sept. 30 - October 1/99
The flu has struck; nobody was ready. I saw Dad on Tuesday and he was congested but that's nothing new. On Thursday afternoon I got a call from the home on my machine saying that dad had spiked a fever during the night and could I please call them. I did as soon as I got home and went over immediately. Dad had not eaten his lunch and for him not eating is very serious. He looked terrible...flushed and anxious. The doctor had been in and they had swabbed his throat just before I arrived and perscribed antibiotics for the terrible congestion in his chest. He was also to be given tylenol to ease the aches and pain.

His companion was still there; together we did get some dinner into him and as much liquid as possible. Wahid left at 5:00; I sat there watching him, completely unable to help, except to put cool clothes on his forehead. He could not tell me how he was feeling. After about an hour the swab came back; it was Influenza type A - the bad one. I waited for the antibiotics which were supposed to be coming soon for his chest. The director of nursing told me they would be there shortly but there were none in the facility and they had to be ordered from outside.

Meanwhile the home was a buzz of activity. Confirmation of the flu meant calling the department of health and getting vaccine etc. Flu season was supposed to be a few weeks away so the home was scrambling. I was told that dad would get a new drug but it turned out he could not inhale the powder and would be given another drug by mouth. I waited for that to arrive. Waited and watched helplessly. His temperature never got really high, just went up and down. I tried to give him thickened juice but it was difficult getting it into him.I spoke softly to dad, explaining what was happening, telling him we were doing everything possible. Finally about 9:30 PM the flu drug arrived, Amantadine. We mixed it with thickened juice and got it down him. He was in and out of sleep. I finally left, asking the staff to call me if there were any changes. No long after I got home I called again; his doctor was there and I spoke with him. He told me that everyone on the floor had just received a flu shot. Yes it was too late in one sense but that it could help with later symptoms. I asked him quite bluntly what dad's chances were. He told me that they were good; they had caught the bug early. But he did say there was a 1 in 10 chance that dad would not make it. We would know in 3-4 days.

After I hung up, I sat for a while, thinking 'what a shitty way to leave this earth'. I started to cry but I knew it was in God's hands. I called Debbie and London and emailed Lanci in California.

October 2/99
I walked over this morning to see dad; stopped by the board room where they were giving flu shots to staff and families. I got mine and then went to see dad. There was a sign posted on his door warning staff and visitors to wash their hands, not to touch anything or anybody else without doing so etc. I asked the supervisor why there was a sign on only dad's door, when half the floor was suffering from the flu. She told me that because of dad's lung problems and congestion. Dad's fever was still up; he looked so frail and sick. I put cool clothes on his forehead and turned him on his side and gave him back physio (gently thumping his back) to loosen the congestion. When he coughed up flem, I went in with the kleenex and got out what I could. He moved between sleep and wakefulness. Wahid arrived ay 11:00; I left to try and get some things done. I called periodically to see how he was doing. At about 4:00 Wahid told me that 3-4 residents from my dad's floor were taken to hospital and that some TV cameras were there.

Returned around 5:00. Dad did eat some supper and so it was more of the same...back physio and cool clothes. The nurse brought in an aspirator at my request but it didn't really do much except upset dad. The best thing was so keep him on his side and thump his back. I left around 10:00, again asking to be notified about any changes. Walking home I wondered if I would get the flu; with my hands in his mouth and being so close to dad, my chances must have been pretty good.

October 3/99
Dad was improved today; no fever and he just looked better. I asked that he stay in bed; I would give him his meals. As usual I went to get his lunch; the supervisor asked that I stay out of the dining area and that they would bring the tray to me. It was a battle getting him to eat; he wanted to sleep. But he did eat and drink enough and of course after lunch he woke up. I told him how he was improving. he held my hand and I hoped that he could understand that the worst was over and that he would continue to feel better. Finally he slept and I left to walk the dog and do some laundry.

I returned about 4:00 to sit with him and then give him his dinner. He ate well; I was pleased. I turned him on his side which did not seem to please him and worked on his back. He fell asleep and I left, knowing that he was going to be OK. So far no flu for me...

October 4/99
I just called the home; dad was up in his wheelchair. I am a little concerned about that...he was only diagnosed on Thursday and I know he must be terribly weak. But will wait tell Wahid arrives and we'll discuss what should be done. Thank God for Wahid; he has been a blessing throughout this. I also called the facility administrator and left a message telling her that I was very grateful to the staff for reacting so quickly in my father's case. Their response probably saved his life.

October 6/99
I have been visiting dad every day and have seen a very gradual improvement. However, today was different. I timed my visit so I could see his doctor and was very glad I did. I took one look at dad and made a beeline for the doctor; dad did not look well, very listless and haggard. The doctor agreed and said they were putting him on another course of antibiotics because his chest has once again become terribly congested. He was considering oxygen to help dad breathe easier; fortunately the oxygen lady was in the building so she came up and registered his oxygen level. To everyone's surprise, especially his doctor's, dad's reading was 94 (anything over 90 is OK). So instead of oxygen, dad is going on inhaler every 4 hours to loosen the mucus and hopefully make it easier for him to cough it up.

You know, I thought it was too easy...dad surviving such an awful flu. I felt there would be ramifications and perhaps they are now starting. I brought with me this morning flowers and candy for the staff on dad's floor. I am very appreciative of their good care and wanted them to know. As usual Oreo came along; she had the staff in stitches because she kept sliding along the tile floor when she got going too fast!

October 17/99
I have been away the past two weekends closing the cottage but have visited dad every few days otherwise. I spoke with his doctor last Wednesday who said he was amazed at how much better dad looks. I gave dad his dinner tonight and as has been for the past month, there is absolutely no recognition, no ability to understand a simple question...nothing. I think the flu has weakened him to the point where he has lost any communication ability he did have. After he was finished his dinner...he ate very well...he fell asleep immediately so I left; his nurse said she was going to put him to bed shortly.

October 18/99
A red letter day...dad actually smiled. TVO, an Ontario television network interviewed me at home about being a caregiver and then came over to dad's and interviewed me again sitting with dad. He was quite sleepy but I managed to wake him up and at one point he looked right at me and smiled! I was very happy and so were the crew who captured the moment. For those of you living in Ontario, the show will air on Thursday, November 11 at 2:00 PM on TVO. The show is called Taking Care.

The interview at home was quite amusing...for me anyway. Oreo (my dog) was acting like the big guard dog and stuck to me like glue. Char (my cat) just ambled around, got into all their equipment cases and started crunching her food in the middle of the take. No matter how many times I speak in public or am interviewed, I always manage to break down. This time the question was "If you had to do it all over, what would you want to be different?" Of course I said that I would have wished my father to age in a more natural way, not from a dementing illness that gradually has robbed him of all his mental capabilities. Watching him slowly deterioriate before my eyes has been the worst experience one could imagine.

October 30/99
Dropped by briefly to see dad after being away for a week on a speaking tour. He looked well but sleepy. I asked him if he could say 'hi' back to me after I greeted him. He looked and looked at me and then he tried...and finally it came out!

October 31/99
A wonderful, warm day. I walked to dad's with Oreo and took him to the park and let Oreo play her heart out. We then returned for dinner. He ate well and then it was time to cut his nails. His left hand is fine but the right is another matter. He contracted a fungus under his first two fingers and thumb; I am convinced it happened because he smoked. The fungus has spread to all his nails on the right hand and makes cutting the nails very difficult as the nails are very hard and thick. But I succeeded and left as he was nodding off.