Nov. 9/99
I have been away again at The canadian Association on Gerontology conference in Ottawa. I visited dad briefly the day after I got back and went again yesterday. He was quite sleepy according to his companion and when I saw him it seeemed to me he had had another small stroke. The shape of his right eye, his fatique and just his general demeanor indicated another stroke. I hugged him and asked him if he wanted apple or orange jiuce; he quite clearly said apple but had no idea who I was.

Dad sounded congested...again... and his nose was running so we decided not to take him out, even though it was a beautiful day. I had his temperature taken as he felt hot to my touch but there was no fever. So we went to the floor lounge to listen to some music. I could not stay too long as I am miles behind in everything; same old story! Before I left, however, I requested that dad be seen by the floor physician tomorrow; will follow up with a phone call.

Nov. 10/99
I spoke to the doctor this morning; he had not yet seen dad but the floor charge nurse called me back to say that dad was stable but that he had congestion in his throat due to his inabaility to cough up flem. Also complicating the situation, however, is his decreased ability to swallow properly, which allows food or fluid to get into the lungs and cause more congestion.

Dad has been on a special diet and thickened fluids for over a year but things are at the point where we will have to feed dad more slowly that ever and be very careful if he is sleepy at mealtimes. I knew this would happen...that increased fatique would make it more and more difficult to get food into dad. He is so thin aldeady that he cannot afford to have nourishment problems.

Nov. 25/99
I returned from an other business trip yesterday so went over to see dad for an hour or so before starting the task of getting caught up. When I greeted him he looked at me and then started to cry. Needlesstosay I felt terrible. There is no point...at least in my mind...to be anything other than honest so I just hugged him and told him I was so sorry and that I understood how he felt. Since I have no idea how much he comprehends, I just hope.

Nov. 28/99
Today was Lincoln Place's luncheon to celebrate IYOP (International year of the Older Person), I told dad on my last visit that I would be taking him to this event. When I arrived around 11:30, he was in the doorway of his room and looked very unhappy. I hugged him and got him ready to go downstairs; the party was in the dining room on the main floor. It was very crowded with residents, family and staff. There was a band playing and all kinds of finger foods, some of which dad could eat. I loaded up on everything but then I realized how angry he was at me. Whenever I put a spoon of food into his mouth, he would hold on to it and look really ticked off. But I persevered, gave him some sandwiches and cake and fruit. Suddenly he looked really weird; his eyes rolled up in the sockets and I thought "O God, what's happening?" I got him away from the crowd and noise and he came around. So I took him upstairs and asked for help to put him in bed for a rest, as he appeared to be very sleepy. Once he was in bed, I told him I would stay with him and sat down by the bed. He would not settle so I rubbed his arms, shoulders. Suddenly he grabbed my arm, then my shoulder and would not let go. Finally he put his fingers around me arm and then around his bedrail. The message was very clear; I was not to go anywhere. He just stared at me and I began to cry. I told him I was sorry I had been away so much but my job required it. I told him i would do anything to change his condition but that there was nothing more I could do. Yes, there was one more thing; spend more time with him. So I sat with him as he dozed on and off and then got him up. I gave him a drink supplement, then some puddings. I had to leave to get ready to attend the first evening of a 3 day trade show. I explained it all to him but I guess it really does not matter; the only thing he knows is I am not there enough. My traveling stops the middle of December; I will make a concerted effort to visit at least every other day.