Dec.10/98
Today was the annual Christmas service for homebound and seniors and as usual I planned to take dad. I arrived at the home about 12:45 pm to find dad sitting in the doorway of his room, wearing a bib, his hat, his sun glasses and no teeth...he was supposed to be ready for church! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...instead I gave him a big hug and began to get him ready. I reminded him again as I will do constantly that my older sister Lanci is coming from California for Christmas. Anything to bring a smile.

We walked to the church while the others went via Wheeltrans; the group included several Jewish residents who seem to really enjoy the service! As always it was lovely; I hadn't met the new minister who is an excellent orator and quite witty to boot. They always choose my favourite carols to sing...O Holy Night, O Little Town of Bethlehem, Away in a Manger among them. When we started to sing, I sang as loudly for dad as I could, to try and encourage him to join in. He was able to sing a few words last Christmas. Unfortunately he didn't seem able to this year; half way through the second carol he was watching me so intently and I could see the sadness in his face...he started crying, I believe out of past memories, and then I started crying for him...what a mess. Church with my dad continues to be a stressful experience for me...but Christmas and Easter services have been, ever since my mum died in 1986. They bring back memories for me too...listening to my mother singing softly, off key; my father snoring during the sermon, special outfits for each season. I guess we all have these special memories, thank God. But I think church has been especially important to my dad; he used to go by himself quite frequently. A lady sitting at our table asked me if dad understood the service. I replied that I doubted he could follow it but that I was positive he 'feels' the church and gains something from attending although I don't really know what...

After the service we went in for tea and cookies; the seniors love this part as the food is homemade...certainly not kosher! I chatted with others I knew from these services, including a wonderful gentleman who is trying to get his son and me together...I fed dad all the cookies he could handle and kept his face and hands as clean as possible. Miajan arrived at 3:30 to take dad back and I returned home to walk Oreo, the darling dog who is chewing her way through my apartment...

Dec.13/98
A lovely sunny day; my plan was to take dad out. But I changed my mind when I arrived. He was badly slouched over on his right side and although I got a brief smile, I don't think he was registering too much. I straightened him up as much as possible using a foam cylinder and a pillow. I gave him a shave and then asked him if he wanted to go out. I got no response so I decided against it...he still has a very chesty cough. He started to doze so I sat and watched him for a while and thought, what a stupid, pointless, relentless situation about which I can do so little.

He started picking at his head so I put some cream on it and then he began to get very restless...pulled away the pillow and just kept fidgeting and pulling himself forward in his wheelchair. I turned the TV on for distraction...mostly for myself?..All of a sudden I noticed he was absolutely soaked, so I summoned help. I left after he was changed, as it was his dinner time. He had wet right through to the cover on his gel seat so I have just put the cover in the wash and the dog and I will walk it back tonight. God, what a life for him; how much longer??

Miajan called me to let me know dad has a cut on his left elbow and that it is infected and he has started on antibiotics. Weird...

Dec.20/98
A short visit tonight; dad is so sleepy from his infection and the antibiotics. It turns out he has cellulitis, an infection of the tissues and what an ugly thing this is. I was shocked.

Seniors have tender, thin skin and so can easily cut or scratch themselves; dad apparently had a small cut on the elbow and it got infected very quickly. When I saw the elbow it was grossly swollen, bright red and very hot. In fact, his whole arm was swollen and I became worried.

Dec.22/98
Today was the annual family Christmas dinner; I had reserved 2 extra seats for my sister and her husband, as I feared they never made it. But I took dad anyway; he wasn't all that chipper. He ate (fish and chips..so much for turkey!) and then I took him to his room. We sat together; I told him Lanci and Bob would be by the next day but I'm not sure if he understood. I brought him his presents but decided not to open them as he just wasn't 'there'. His elbow is still bad.

Dec.23/98
I was still not happy with dad's elbow so I came over at 9:30 to wait for his regular doctor. Poor dad, he cannot express his pain but I could tell from his face that he was suffering. The doctor finally appeared at about 11:00; breezed in and said dad had a staph infection and that they were going to change his antibiotics. He marked the borders of the red area with a pen to ensure that any more spreading of the infection would be noticed. I left for my sister's in London worried, but knowing that dad was in good hands with Miajan who had my number. My sister's husband has just been diagnosed with viral meningitis so I was anxious to be with her.

Dec.28/98
Went to see dad after I returned from my sister's...I wanted to see how his elbow was doing. When I arrived I rolled up his sleeve to find the dressing off and the wound oozing. The infection had burst the skin a few days prior. It had obviously not been dressed that morning. I hate facilities on weekends but especially during the holidays as they are understaffed with temps who in many cases are next to useless. At 11:20 am I went to find the charge nurse and asked her to redress dad's arm. She said she would when she could...I went back 3 times before she said she would do it right after lunch. I called back at 5:00 pm and spoke to dad's companion; the arm still had not been dressed and I became really furious. I wrote a letter to the head nurse explaining the situation and asked why such an infection was not found earlier by an aide and why the ongoing nursing care was so poor. I walked over with Oreo at 8:00 pm and left the letter; went to see dad who gave me a big smile. I went again to ask that his arm be dressed and finally it was under my watchful eye. I helped get him into bed and he was asleep immediately.

Dec.29/98
The head nurse called me back today and told me that the lab test done on the elbow indicated that the first antibiotic was not appropriate and so it was changed. She told the staff how to dress the arm; the doctor was in again today and has put dad on another course of drugs, along with twice daily soaking. I really have to wonder why things take so long, particularly when seniors don't have the hydration and movement that we do. Caregivers have to be so vigilant; I have never seen cellulitis before and hope I don't again. It starts so quickly and spreads so fast...