I can't imagine, even now after all I have learned about caregiving and family dynamics, why I did not sit down with my father and have "the conversation" while he was still mentally capable. I would visit week after week, year after year but I guess I actually thought he would stubbornly go on living in his home by himself forever. Besides he was so critical of me and so dogmatic about the way things should be that as time passed it was all I could do just to keep myself together emotionally.

After dad broke a hip and had his first stroke (2 weeks after he finally agreed to have a housekeeper stay with him), he insisted on coming home. I agreed but asked that he live on one floor so he would not have to deal with stairs. Of course he didn't and I suppose I gave up. Then events unfolded as they had to — his dementia finally pushed me over the edge and we started our journey together through long-term care.

In hindsight would I have done things differently? I would like to think so but I honestly don't know. I do know I would have tried harder to help my father plan for the time when he could no longer live alone; I doubt I would have had any more success.